The Blue Steel Scenario
It’s time to gather around and take a cheesy family holiday photo. No one really wants to squish together on the couch and fake smile for 10 minutes, but the grandparents are insisting and you can’t let them down. The problem is you are an awkward human being.
How to Survive
Check for flyaways or stray pieces of food. If born with cowlick, pat that sucker down.
Raise slightly to appear excited at prospect of taking photo. Not too high though or you will come off serial-killer-esque.
Are there leftover brussel sprouts wedged between your front teeth? No? Are you sure?
Poses to avoid at all costs:
[duhk]-[feys] noun, singular
A photographic pose trend, consisting of an exaggerated pouting expression in which the lips are thrust outwards, often with simultaneously sucked cheeks. Well known on profile pictures in social networks.
[bloo]-[steel] noun, singular
Made famous by the 2001 movie Zoolander, “Blue Steel" is the signature modeling pose of male model Derek Zoolander.
Even if you have won Male Model of the Year three years in a row, this is not the time for this pose.
[buhn-ee]-[eers] noun, plural
The act of putting two fingers up behind someone's head while a picture is being taken to mimic rabbit ears.
[awk-werd]-[tee-reks]-[ahrms] noun, plural
The act of lifting arm and barely resting around another’s shoulder in an effort to seem friendly but not overbearing.
Keep. At. Your. Sides.